When I look at a child that has anger issues I see a child that is screaming for help. He is fighting with every fiber of his being to control the emotions inside of him. The child that is throwing chairs or kicking furniture cannot control the emotional volcano erupting from within. Often he is doing his best, but has not been given the tools to cope with the perceived injustice of his world. Many adults are shocked and angered by this behavior. In an attempt to control the outrageous behavior they yell or physically restrain the angered child. In a situation that is unsafe – restraint may be the only option. Many times restraining a child will escalate the situation creating a power struggle that may have a negative impact on the relationship.
Why do children get so angry? Many times the answer is as simple as the child not feeling heard. The child feels wronged, ignored, and misunderstood. He responds the only way that he knows how. When he lets his emotions take over and his temper flare, he gains the undivided attention of an adult. When his behavior is ignored it is reinforced because of the emotional release he gets when he explodes.
Children need to feel heard. Acceptance and love will create a trusting relationship where he can begin to explore his emotions and attempt to control his temper. He will not always be successful. Children need to know that their choices have consequences. While I understand the purpose of the behavior I in no way condone the action.